1. The United States and Great Britain are two great nations separated by a common language.
2. I asked my dad, "Dad, which hand do you use to stir your coffee?" My dad replied, "I used my right hand!" I smiled and replied, "That's funny, dad, I use a spoon."
3. Always Give 100% At Work: 12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
4. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside
5. Men hate to lose. A woman once beat her husband at tennis. She asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
6. I don't think Shakespeare knew what the hell he was talking: If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat all day and drink beer.
8. Women like silent men because they think they're listening.
9. Women don't talk about this publicly, but the Ultimate Fantasy of any woman from any culture down the ages has been to have two men at once: One cooking and the other cleaning.
10. Ever since Eve gave Adam the apple, there has been a chronic misunderstanding between the sexes about gifts.