Bored

This is how I look when am bored.

Life

Life is like toilet paper. Either you're on a roll or you're taking shit from some asshole!

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.

Why fart and waste when you can burp and taste?

I just got the bill for my wife's delivery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks.

Women drivers are like stars in the sky. You can see them, but they can't see you.

My job is such a closely guarded secret, even I don't know what I'm doing.

"Artificial Insemination" is procreation without recreation

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Just found out that I can add some variety to my sex life, just by using the other hand!

My wife and I finally became sexually compatible... We achieve simultaneous headaches.

You should stop calling yourself hot when the only thing you turn on is the microwave.

Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

A man with his tool in a woman's mouth can also be a dentist.

Fate is like getting raped, if you can't fight it learn to enjoy it.

Crack found in man's buttocks.

Just because men have one, doesn't mean they have to be one.