A guy says to another, "I've Facebook, Orkut, Twitter, Google+, Skype, YIM & MSN..."

The friend asks, "Hey dude, do you have a life...?" 

The guy screams, "Oh my God, no... Please send me the link..."

A broken trust can be described as melted chocolate...No matter how hard you try to freeze it, it will never return to its true shape...!!

My work ethic could best be described as "procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH F*** right before the deadline."

I can remember just 10 years ago, I had no idea what to do with all the pictures I took of my lunch. Thanks, Facebook!

Confidence? Oh yeah I've heard of that. It comes in a variety of bottles and you have to be 21 to buy it.

Looking at the number of emails I receive from Nigeria I feel it must be tough for an honest Nigerian businessman to make a living

Your password must contain an upper and lower case letter, two numbers and a bunch of symbols that look like comic strip swearing.

Darwin would have been the greatest person had he predicted that Butterflies would evolve to become "Tattoos"

The hardest thing about working in a restaurant is that your throat is always dry from spitting in everyone's food.

I have a horrible sleeping disorder where I have to wake up every morning and go to work.

• Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
• Edison stole the idea for the light bulb from the light bulb that appeared above his head when he got some idea.
• Will we just know how to play the harp in heaven, or do we need to arrange lessons beforehand?
• I'm not saying he was stupid, but I asked him how to spell Mississippi and he said 'the river or the state?'
• Did this many people have birthdays before FaceBook?
• If you don't have a FaceBook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.
• Kids today don't know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
• I miss the 1980s when cell phones were big enough to cover your face if you saw someone you knew walking toward you. But wait… no worries.. I still can do it with iPad.
• Gone are the days when I could just jump in the pool fully clothed without thinking twice. Thanks a lot, Steve Jobs.
• "Piece of cake" should not mean "Easy!" It should mean "Delicious!"
• When a cop pulls me over I tell him that I don't believe in tickets or laws or authority. However, I do believe in tazers now.
• "Sorry I haven’t been tweeting much lately." – guy who actually thinks people notice when he’s not tweeting
• Since there are more Chinese people than any other race on Earth, does that mean they have normal eyes and we have big crazy googly ones?
• Between texting, tweeting and E-mails, I haven't spoken a word in the last 3 years.
• I looked down on the earth from an airplane yesterday and there are PLENTY of trees left, don't worry!
• I just had an AMAZING salad at McDonalds. The toppings I chose were 2 big macs & 10 chicken mc nuggets with 3 sweet & sour packs as dressing
• Top 5 causes of loose stools: 5. Indian food 4. Lactose 3. Coffee 2. Mexican food 1. IKEA
• I lost twenty pounds in three minutes with diet and exercise and Photoshop!
• When I get in a crowded elevator I can't stop myself from trying to guess everybody's weight and comparing it with the total capacity
• The only reason why I consider Laughter as the “Best” medicine is it doesn’t involve a $30 copay.
• My mother adviced me to make the little things in life count. So from tomorrow onwards I'm gonna run free math seminars for midgets.

Withering to Wrinkles

Old age like a venomous snake
Slowly, silently crawls on my youthful body
Each inch that it takes leaves those vicious
wrinkles behind
As if it were shedding its skin on my body
Its forked tongue licks me, taunts, teases,
mocks my youth
I cannot stop or avert its slow conquest of
my body
I wait ...
Every moment...
I fear its bite
For, I know that when it bites..
Death will flow like venom in my blood.
I silently wait for its final sting
Watching its sly, slithering movements
That inch after inch steals my youth
And leaves me old, weak and wrinkled