• some novels are not to be tossed aside lightly. They should be thrown with great force..
• P-Spot: The spot on the wall a man looks at while relieving himself in a restroom
• Least Busy Employee: Manager of the complaint department at the parachute packing plant
• Maxims for the Internet Age: 1. A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 2. You can't teach a new mouse old clicks. 3. The geek shall inherit the earth. 4. What boots up must come down. 5. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to browse the web and he won't bother you for weeks.
• To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all
• Any married man should forget his mistakes -- what's the point two people remembering the same thing?
• Why do people go eat ice cream and other such stuff when they are stressed? Well, spell 'stressed' backwards
• My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him, "If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion." He said, "Alright. You're ugly too!"
• What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate Clauses???
• My Son asked me one time, "Daddy, before you married Mommie, who told you how to drive ?"
• The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was
• Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
• I mailed my photograph and a short personal description to the Lonely Hearts Club, a group to facilitate relationships. After a few days, the picture came back with a note attached that said, "We're not that lonely"
• At a recent computer software engineering course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your company's programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the ensuing forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay aboard. With his company's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone takeoff

Cheers...