• Christopher Columbus was the best deal maker in history. He left not knowing where he was going, and upon arriving, not knowing where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money....
• Theory is when you know everything and nothing is working. Organization is when nothing is working and everyone knows why. Practice is when everything is working and no one knows why.
• What part of the car causes the most accidents? The nut that holds the wheel.
• A man, who surrenders when he's wrong, is Honest. A man who surrenders when not sure, is Wise. A man who surrenders even if he's Right, is a husband.
• There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it and there is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it.
• Newton while sitting in a garden saw an apple falling down and created the Law of Gravity, but it tooks 23 years for him to find this despite his sitting in a toilet.
• A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
• President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius.
• It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own.
• Every wife thinks that her husband is the worst human being on this earth, but actually he is the only person she has known so closely.
• Bathroom Singing was discovered before Locks were invented.
• Found on a toilet wall at a gas station : " We aim to please... you aim too, please."
• Why is it when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks back to us we are mentally disturbed