1. Make love, not war, or do both -- get married.
2. A lot of people wonder how one can tell if he is truly in love. It's simple. Ask yourself, "Do I mind being financially destroyed by this person?" If the answer is yes, you are!
3. If you want my opinion on the mystery of life and all that, I can give it to you in a nutshell: the universe is like a safe to which there is a key. But the key is locked up in the safe.
4. We are in the process of buying a home. When you buy a home, you deal with realtors. Realtors are really people who did not make it as used car salesmen.
5. They say the best exercise happens in the bedroom. I believe it. That's where I get the most resistance.
6. On my recent trip in British Airways, the flight attendant got really upset with me because I didn't eat all my food. She wagged her finger at me and said, "Sir, you really shouldn't waste all that food. There are people starving on Egypt Air."
7. A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
8. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it.
9. Women need a reason. Men need a place.
10. My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women were coming up to me (sniff) 'Married' (walk off). That's how they mark their territory. You can take off that ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.